Those who turn back
by Aria7
Summary: Finarfin his thoughts on returning back to Tirion to face the judgement of the Valar, and his wife! Also what he thought of the Noldor's errand in Middleearth, the Doom, and how he felt on leaving his children to the unknown.Revised as of 17703


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Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters except for Ainarusco, all characters etc are the property of J.R.R Tolkien and Tolkien enterprises. 

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Authors note: Well I'm back again, with the fifth story in this little series of mine, and yes I know your supposed to do the fourth before the fifth but Olwë was not cooperating so I had to bypass him. It took me long enough to get Finarfin to cooperate, not that his wandering nephew seems to have helped things along; especially since he decided to take permanent residence in my house; and Finarfin's younger sister also keeps attempting to interrupt things, but eventually he got sick of not being paid any attention to; and locked me in my room until I finished, but anyway, *blushes* on with the fic… 

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17/7/03: The fic has finally been updated and altered to hopefully improve the overall outcome. My thanks to everyone who reviewed it earlier ie, Finch, MJ, Stearchica, Erunyauve and Jillian Baade; as well as Maureen Lyacon on Silmfics for giving me such a good crit.; I was really glad of it; and so have acted on those comments to attempt to correct anything. Also, if anything still doesn't make sense, or I have committed another blaring mistake or, simple error, tell me and I'll try to sort it out. Now, on with the adapted and extended 'slightly' fic… 

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Those who turn back…

"At the rear went Finarfin and Finrod, and many of the noblest and wisest of the Noldor, and often they looked behind them to see their fair city, until the lamp of the Mindon Eldaliéva was lost in the night…"

Brother why, why must we do this? Why must we leave? Ai Valar, why 'must' we do this? Father is dead yes, but that is no reason to do this. In time the Valar themselves will assail him and overthrow him. But…how can we even hope to do this to him, Melkor, no, Moringotho, the Black foe, you have named him brother…how can we ever hope to defeat him in his dark fortress in the north of Middle-earth; or so I have heard tell.

Why must we go?

Nay, why must you go? Why did you take the ships? Is that any better than what he has done to you?

The Silmarils are your greatest creations brother, but are not the Swan ships the greatest creations of the Teleri? Although you profess to hate him, as do we all, it is clear that he has worked his words upon you, for the things that you say…the words that you speak, are alike unto his. Indeed, even in action have you become alike, for have you not both slain? And, have you not both taken that which is not your own?

But now, now, the Valar have spoken, in their wrath;

_"Tears unnumbered ye shall shed; and the Valar shall fence Valinor against you, and shut you out, so that not even the echo of your lamentation shall pass over the mountains. On the House of Fëanáro the wrath of the Valar lieth from the West unto the uttermost East, and upon all that will follow them shall it be laid also. Their oath shall drive them, and yet betray them, and ever snatch away the very treasures that they have sworn to pursue. To evil end shall all things turn that they begin well; and by treason unto kin, and the fear of treason, shall this come to pass. The Dispossessed shall they be forever._

Ye have spilled the blood of your kindred unrighteously and have stained the land of Aman. For blood ye shall render blood, and beyond Aman ye shall dwell in Death's shadow. For though Eru appointed to you to die not in Eä, and no sickness may assail you, yet slain ye may be, and slain ye shall be: by weapon and by torment and by grief; and your houseless spirits shall come then to Mandos. There long shall ye abide and yearn for your bodies, and find little pity though all whom ye have slain should entreat for you. And those that endure in Middle-earth and come not to Mandos shall grow weary of the world as with a great burden, and shall wane, and become as shadows of regret before the younger race that cometh after. The Valar have spoken."

And so, it has been spoken, the Doom of the Noldor. Spoken, as I believe, by none other than the Lord Námo Mandos himself; and, if this is so, then surely shall it come true, for is he not known as the Doomsman of the Valar? Yea he is, and so truth and foresight are in his words…

But now, now brother, you rise up once more, and I see a fell light in your face as of one who has little left now to lose; and mayhap, in your mind, you do have very little, but I remember. I remember thine sons and grandson who do follow you now in all you do. Though I wonder, I wonder that if they had not sworn an oath by the name Eru Allfather, would they have followed you? Or would they have remained, and returned, to dwell with their mother Nerdanel home, in Tirion…

I remember, I remember also our brother, Nolofinwë, and his children and granddaughter, who do follow you under oath also, for did not Nolofinwë swear upon Taniquetil…

_"Thou shalt lead and I will follow. May no new grief divide us…"_

Yea he did, and so he follows you also. But I wonder now why I did so; for no oath did I swear, no pledge of allegiance did I speak…

I remember also mine own children who do follow after their father in his madness, and so also their uncles, who have pledged to avenge their grandfather's death. But I wonder, would father have wished for this? Father, would you have wished for a war to be started under your name? For, it is for want of revenge for their King's death that first drove our people to forsake their homes and the safety and protection of the Valar, even if it has failed once; but now, now, it is my brother's will, and their own guilt that drives them towards Middle-earth. Their own guilt over the senseless deaths at Alqualondë…

Ai Alqualondë! How did that slaying ever come about? Ai Alqualondë, haven of the Swans and birthplace of my wife…

Ai Eärwen! How you must loathe me, thine husband who does claim kinship with those who have slain thine own kin, mayhap even thine own family. Ai, I pray that that is not what has come to pass; though that should make little difference, for a death is still a death. I have watched my brother-sons mourn, over the death of their mother's, brother's youngest son, Ainarusco; whose blood does now stain the white harbours of the Swan's home.

I hear you speak once again brother mine, but you speak of folly! You speak of cowardice and cravens, but I say, as is my right as our father's son, it is better to be considered a coward or craven by you, than to know yourself mad! For surely you must be brother, to speak words against your own people. You have murdered innocents for the sake of jewels and for revenge, how can you be even capable of rational thought any longer. Many of those I counted as friends lie dead now because of you and your madness, and yet you proclaim that it was they who attempted to waylay your march to Middle-earth and so if any did indeed take hurt it is their own fault that their blood now stains the lands of our birth. Brother, father's murder has driven you over the edge; can you not see? This is exactly what he wishes, always has Melkor striven for discord, now is not this, this bloodbath discordant? You have pitched Elf against Elf, friend against friend, yet still you claim that it was needful or at least could not have been prevented and still you have the gall to tell, nay to proclaim yourself King and that you are not crazed but brother, I dare say you must be and you shall not take me or mine with you on this march; not if I can help it.

Though I fear that my children shall not follow me, and would now call me craven; for though they hold no great love for you, and even less so now after the slaughter of their kin, I know that your words hit hard, and strike us to the core. A great orator indeed you are brother, this will I freely admit. But I shall go no further than this brother mine. No further towards this doom will I go.

I pity you my siblings; Nolofinwë, do you not see the folly that our half-brother Fëanáro is leading our people into? Do you not see it brother? Do you think that he will listen to you, ever? He did no listen oft when we were younger, and as we have grown, he has listened less and less. And now, now he listens to none. For father is dead, and Nerdanel his wife, has called this an act of sheer madness, borne out of grief and I fear that she is correct. For how else can the acts at Alqualondë be explained, how else…

Iriën little sister, you have followed our full-brother Nolofinwë and will not abandon him, nor this cause now; though you too know that this is madness, and no good can ever come of it. For a deed begun in bloodshed, can only in end in bloodshed, or so I was taught. With you go also your husband and children, and I pray for their sake that you shall act wisely. But, I see you now standing beside our brother Nolofinwë to face the messenger of the Valar in defiance…

But this is foolish brother, surely you must see it so, you must! Our sisters, Findis and Faniel knew this in truth, and that is why they remained behind with our mother in Tirion. Your wife, Anairë, will go no further, for the deaths at Alqualondë weigh heavily upon her, or so she has told me; and like her, I shall go no further than this.

We cannot all depart brother, many of our people remained in Tirion when we all set forth upon the march, and now, after Alqualondë, someone must remain to prevent any further bloodshed from occurring; and, to show all that remain of our people, of the Vanyar and finally also of the Teleri that not all of Finwës' sons are cowards who run from their mistakes. I return also for your sakes, for mayhap by staying behind, by remaining in Valinor, I can persuade the Valar to have mercy and pity upon all of you who do continue onwards now to see these new lands; these lands populated, I pray, by our kinsfolk who remained behind in the lands where our ancestors were born and so did not come to the West, to dwell under the light that is now extinguished.

I fear for my children though, for Findaráto, my eldest son, you will follow Turukáno, your cousin, wherever he should lead you, even if it be to Middle-earth; while Artaher, your brother, will follow wherever you should lead, for he trusts his brother's wisdom in all matters. As for Angaráto, Ambaráto and Artanis, my brother's words have touched you deeply, and awakened in your hearts, a yearning for places unexplored. Ai, my children! How I wish all was as it were when you were young; and then, all I had to do was give a hug or kind word, and there would be naught but peace in our household. Ai my sons and daughter, how can I explain to your mother that you would leave her, and all you have ever known to follow, to follow, 'Kinslayers', to a place that you know naught of. How can I explain to her that I let you go, that I, allowed, you to go on, alone… How can I explain to her…

Oh my children, you look at me now with such a mixture of feelings in your eyes, after hearing my words.

Findaráto, my eldest son, my first born child, you look hurt and yet, and yet understanding shines in your eyes. For I hope at least you understand why I must return. Your brothers, Artaher and Angaráto, look shocked, but they knew my thoughts on this fools errand long before now, indeed was it not Artaher who tried to help me dissuade our people from going on this senseless quest for revenge…

Ambaráto and Artanis are angry, though Ambaráto looks shocked like his elder brothers more than aught else, though uncertain why he should look thus for surely he could not have dismissed his father's words as empty? But Artanis, Artanis my beautiful hot headed daughter, you walk away, so angry with me are you, that you cannot even bare the sight of me. This hurts me daughter, more than I could ever put into words for I wish to follow you my daughter, my youngest child… but I cannot, nay I cannot.

Findaráto, you come to me now, and I hold you close my son, and I see the tears, that glisten in your eyes which you hope to hide from me; but still threaten to spill down your cheeks. I bid you to be strong, and to care for our people where I cannot; and to, more importantly, watch over your siblings, and to protect them from any who would wish to do them harm. For I shall go no further than this, but now, now, shall I turn back and return, and look back not once to my brothers', to my sister nor to my children. Though tears of my own, do slide, like the infinite tears of Nienna down my cheeks; and I know, I know, that if I did look back, my courage would surely break, and to leave, I would not be able to do…

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"But in that hour Finarfin forsook the march, and turned back, being filled with grief, and with bitterness against the House of Fëanor, because of his kinship with Olwë of Alqualondë, and many of his people went with him, retracing their steps in sorrow, until they behind once more the far beam of the Mindon upon Tuna still shining in the night, and so came at last to Valinor…"

That took a lot longer than I thought it would it even ended slightly differently than I had planned it to, but blame Finarfin, he's the one who got sick of being ignored and so took matters into his own hands.

Quick name notes on characters, canon and O.C. Oh yeah and the Quenya names for the characters were used throughout.

Fëanáro=Fëanor eldest son of Finwë 

Nolofinwë = Fingolfin Second son of Finwë

Iriën = Lalwen Youngest child/daughter of Finwë, 

Nerdanel wife of Fëanor

Anairë Wife of Fingolfin

Ainarusco O.C character of mine, he's Nerdanel's brother-son, killed at Alqualondë

Findaráto Finrod

Artaher Orodreth

Angaráto Angrod

Ambaráto Aegnor

Artanis Galadriel

Turukáno Turgon

Findis Eldest child/daughter of Finwë and Indis

Faniel Second daughter/third/fourth child of Finwë

Eärwen Daughter of Olwë

Olwë Lord of Alqualondë. 

Finwë King of the Noldor, slain by Morgoth

Moringotho = Morgoth/Melkor First Dark Lord

Námo Mandos =Commonly known as Mandos Doomsman of the Valar (one of the Aratar)

Nienna One of the Valier, sister of Mandos (one of the Aratar)

All information regarding the characters (except Ainarusco) are taken from the Silmarillion and HoMe 10-12. Quotes in italics taken from the Silmarillion.


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